jeans and recliner

7:09 am sprung forward this morning – positive sides all around – sleepless night- still in my jeans and recliner – eyes wide open – heart racing….

young, scarred, clinging to life, not wanting too, was the man who became my uncle many years ago- masked, sterile, cold, fear, pain - intense pain - smell of alcohol, tubes, bandages, oxygen, tents, weren't the only descriptive of my memory… love, much love, hope, joy, happiness had their place.

it was a house fire that took his wife's life and left him clinging to life and badly burned with no will to live-

the screams were loud enough for the heavens to hear when she saw what was left of her baby after the fire- the screams moved him from within- he found hope- he began to heal- as the seconds turned to minutes and the minutes to hours and hours to days, days to weeks, weeks to months, months to years – he was there- involved in both his and my recovery-

we helped each other heal- she came to visit and to help her sister with the life we found ourselves living- she was young, kind, caring and single-

they fell in love and married…

two beautiful children were born from that marriage- a son and a daughter- many things were altered over the years-

he will always be my uncle charlie and I will always be his buddin'-

he is not married to my mom's sister anymore- and it was very wrong what he did… very wrong- people who live with disfigurements from a trauma related accident are prone to different behavior- it's my job to love and not judge-

i love him- he pushed the wheels off those wheels chairs when i wanted to go buddin'… nothing will take that away-

46 years later- life is good, the son has a son (yelp- uncle charlie has a grandson) – he is 17 – full of life, best friends with his dad, chuck – excelling in life, school, sports- what a young man he has become- the phone rang, she was very rattled- WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE CANNOT TALK?

the brain will not wrap around what she is saying- how do you suddenly lose the ability to speak? is that possibly and if so how, why???? "A L S" – rang in my ears as though my head were inside the liberty bell as it was struck. Lou Gehrig's Disease – WHAT????

the ringing began to subside around midnight thirty last night – overwhelmed is the only word one could put on this- in processing all that the mind is holding the last 7 hours- OVERWHELMED is my label.

i've lost friends and family near and dear- death is a part of life- God has blessed me to date- from all the great loss in this life- i've never watched anyone suffer- God has been merciful in taking them fast-

Her life was altered for 10 years- she wasn't the same- mid-brain stroke they labeled it- she needed 24/7 care- but painfully suffering wasn't the case- from what I've studied ALS is an entrapment of oneself inside a useless body- suffering is the label I give it-

Racing heart- tear-filled eyes – struggling here at 7:51 a.m. in my jeans and recliner.

Please pray for my cousin – Chuck Carter.